I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
