He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
