Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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