I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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