all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
