I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
