Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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