I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
