Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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