just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
