I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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