i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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