Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
