Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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