Umm I'm too high to move.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
