where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize