you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
