My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
