So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
