Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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