i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
