No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
