3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
