my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
