Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
