I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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