She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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