Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
