I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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