He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
