So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
