i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
