I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
