Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
