Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize