Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
