You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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