haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
