we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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