brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
