The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
