he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
