You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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