whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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