I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
you made out with another girl for some wings
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
