I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
