Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
