I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
