I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
