holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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