OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
