I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
