i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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