apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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