I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
