Umm I'm too high to move.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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