OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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