there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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