the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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