I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
