My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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