im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
