I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
