Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
