I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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