I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
