Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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