I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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