and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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