can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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