He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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