I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
