New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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