hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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